Sa totoong buhay, walang PASS O FAIL. You step up the ladder based on commission, performance, effort, quota…basta, maraming standards. If you can’t pass the mark, you won’t make it far.

Kapag nakaharap ko ang Diyos at this very moment, sa tingin ko, isa lang ang itatanong niya sa akin: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IN YOUR LIFE THAT MADE IT DIFFERENT? 

Tapos may follow-up pa si Lord for sure: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THAT MADE A DIFFERENCE?

Yes…what will I do to make a difference?

Pick an entirely different career path, different from what others expect of me?

Do something great and noble?

Shit. Wala pa ko sa ganyang train of thought.

You know what my greatest fear is? It’s the fear of failure. To me, failure is something I can’t live with, especially the failure to live up to other people’s expectations.

That’s the bane for an individual like me.

I grew up as a “Bibo Kid”…”Gifted Child”…”Talented”…”Genius”…

I’m not bragging, pero lahat na ng superlative na pwede mong i-label sa isang bata, narinig ko na.

“Pinaka-matalino”…”Brightest”…”Chubbiest”…”Cutest”

Until lumaki yung ulo ko…I think I was in 5th grade. All the praises went into my head. I became arrogant…a 10-year-old bitch. I thought I can never get better, because I already am the best…at least that’s what I thought.

So for most of my younger years, I tried living up to everyone’s expectations.

I have to be the smartest. I have to be the brightest. I have to be the best.

So when I went to Palau, I realized that there are other people better than I can ever be.

So I guess all the bullying in elementary school gave me the wake-up call. Then again, self-doubts stemmed from that.

The bibo kid in me died a natural death. My inquisitiveness had to die.

When I’m about to give my 100% best, I stop at 90%, fearing that giving my best would make other people hate me. 

“Give chance to others”, sabi nga nila.

But I do give chances. I don’t hog all the attention.

Back to expectations…I’ll be graduating in two months.

I fear expectations more than anything else this time.

Expectations from the family. Mentors. My Alma Mater.

I fear that they expect highly of me…not because I doubt my capabilities…more of, because I am afraid that I will not meet them.

BUT WHAT’S LIFE WITHOUT TAKING RISKS? LIFE IS ALL ABOUT TAKING RISKS.

So I will make that jump into the unknown. I will let God take me where He knows I should belong. I don’t have to fear anything, do I?

I CAN DO THIS. I CAN DO THIS. I WILL DO THIS.

So if God asks me what’s different about my life, here’s what I have to say:

“Lord, I have so many fears…but I did not let them get the best of me. And besides, I’ve had you since I surrendered to Your Will. I made that jump. And if I have to do it all over again, I will”

I want to be a media executive. That’s my goal. But wherever the good Lord takes me, I’ll ride along. He knows what’s best for me. I just gotta trust Him :)

I want to make a difference; this is my goal. This will be my guiding principle. And whether I disappoint you or not, it doesn’t matter anymore.