Today I felt terrified more than anything else. The last thing I want to do is hurt people. I’m not being self-righteous but I thought it over.

I said nothing wrong.

At last it dawned on me.
I often act out of impulse. Something tells me when it’s right. But I think over and over before I make the big leap.

I thought it was ok. Turns out it’s not.

Today I felt my wings were clipped.
I feel trapped.

Now how can I be me when they think otherwise?

Too many masks to wear. Sucked in desolate spaces. Stuck in shoes I have to wear.

As long as it doesn’t bruise or break my kindred spirit fighting to keep aflame, I pray for strength.

Lots and lots of it.

Every morning her alarm rings at 5:30.
Sleepily she heads for the shower, hoping that the cold would bring her warmth.
She says goodbye to blanks and spaces,
Heads into busy trains,
Prances across listless platforms,
And begins the journey into the unknown.

She settles for the whisper and a company of some worthy friends,
She crosses lines back and forth,
From the dutiful to the playful.
She wears so many hats,
Terrified, gleeful, all at the same time.

At the end of a long day,
She retreats to a space only she could see.
The loneliest person I know is only a world yet a step away.

While they say, she brings warmth and love and many other hopeful things,
Here she is, writing of things that may never be.

The loneliest person I know writes of love and things far-fetched in a universe that.no longer thinks or feels.

The loneliest person I will ever know…
In this lifetime or the next,
is me.

Of sadness and misery,
Lulling back and forth,
Across the empty universe.
In melody or in battered silence,
Such whisper of lies foretold,
And a love humming with a storm.
In fear of losing you,
I deny this.
Whatever this is.

Rushing madness,
The howl of the metal tube
Zooming to and fro,
Amidst strangers of no face.
The first of endless stops begins
As we descend…
deeper into points-of-no-return.
Hearts do gamble,
Across the foreign land,
Where chances are chained to fate,
And the choice leaves you with none.
After the tiring journey,
Dusk arrives,
Where platforms end,
Love is finally found.
Now up to chance or leave to rest
Forlorn, this last stop,
Alas, I hope it’s you waiting over there.

Understated.

For reasons I cannot explain,
I unearth this courage
In admission to a truth long denied.

Yes.
Perhaps I am terrified.
Even as I look into your piercing eyes,
I plunge deeper in the abyss.

Overwhelmed.

For I know not how to say ‘tis childishness.
Should I ever cross your path,
I might have to turn away.

Again, for reasons I just cannot explain,
Here I am, cursing every word.
In the hope it will reach you.

But my empty voice and aching heart says otherwise.

The frantic beating of my heart whenever you are near sends me in a ceaseless panic.
I gaze from afar,
Silently praying you will come closer.
The waltz starts.
Whilst they dance, one by one,
You smile.
I die.
Within my Folly,
My brutal Imagination,
She is your Muse,
And I,
A figment of a lovely daydream.

In exchange for a fiery thousand knives,
A penny for your thoughts.
A minute of your presence.
A kiss to shatter a million fantasies,
And arms to shelter you in silence.